Alex Shalman
by Alex Shalman
AlexShalman.com – Practical Personal Development
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”
~Randy Pausch
There are certain goals in your life for which success is a non-negotiable conclusion. It’s inevitable that the bus of your life is going to drive towards a fork in the road. The trick is to position yourself in the drivers seat.
My most current and biggest obstacle so far has been to get into dental school. If my whole story was simple, that “I applied, I got in, woot!” then it wouldn’t have been very inspirational. Luckily, for the story’s sake, it took me three years of applications, rejections, retaking the DAT, and upping the ante with a master’s degree in order to push my way through.
The whole process really humbled me, and at the same time made me really proud of what I can do when I put everything I’ve got into it. I’ve had the benefit of being very self-aware, and carefully analyzing the mental processes that I went through in order to reach this goal. I could have been depressed at the first rejection. I could have quit and found another line of work…I almost did…but I didn’t, because my brain thinks as follows:
- Cut Off Unsupportive People
I’ve long been going through the process of purging negative people from my life. The friends that were just great to party with, the people that were disgustingly pessimistic, and the ones that clearly did not have my best interests in mind. Getting rid of negative people opens you up to meeting new ones with qualities you respect and admire.Several months ago I had a friend ask me why am I still trying to get in, and why don’t I just give up and go and get a real job instead of trying for this dental dream. My girlfriend Marina had an awesome response to this onslaught. She said, “How can you live if you stop trying? That’s the formula for regret.” I like it a lot. I have to keep this Marina person around me more!
- Cut Off Plan B
I’m very inspired by a story of Julius Caesar that I heard from one of my personal development tapes years back. When Caesar’s ships landed on the enemy beach, he immediately ordered his army to turn around and burn down all of their own ships. This left only one option, plow through the enemy lines, no matter what, and on to victory.In my own life, I gave myself only one option, no plan B, no alternatives, and that option was to become the best Dental health professional in the world. Other options and job opportunities were presented to me, quite often, and I always thought of them as the “Serpent’s apple” which I refused to pick.
- Talk About Your Dream
Everyone that I encountered knew that my number one goal, the thing that I wanted so much I could taste it, was to get into dental school. I didn’t ask them for help, I presented myself as a passionate individual who has wanted to be a dentist since he was five years old and would stop at nothing to achieve this dream. People respect this form of sincerity.In fact, people would often times start trying to think of solutions to how they might help me, or who they knew in a great position to help me. Over three years, I got a lot of contacts, some of which were dead leads, but the sheer volume that was generated from me speaking about my number one goal created some golden opportunities and referrals.
- Believe In Yourself
You know those days: When you’re down on yourself, and you’re thinking about quitting. Perhaps you even start to entertain some good reasons for why quitting would be a good idea.*SLAP*
The trick is to give yourself a mental slap. Take those negative thoughts and nip them in the bud before the weeds overthrow the yard of your mind. Don’t be the kind of person that thinks this way.
It’s your job, not your friends or your parents, to believe that you’re the best. You must believe, deep in your soul, that whatever you have, whatever you’re selling is absolutely the air that everyone should be breathing. If you don’t believe you’re the best, and don’t do everything in your power to really be the best, then no one else will believe – so believe!
I’ve played a dangerous game my friends. I got a Masters degree, albeit educational and interesting, in a field that I didn’t want to spend my life working in – but I pushed on. I talked to everyone and their dog about my dreams, and encountered some pessimistic backlash – but I pushed on.
I even spent this summer studying to retake the admission test “just in case,” while having a promising spot on the waiting list, when I could have taken a vacation and hoped I’d make it off the list – but I pushed on.
Never stop trying, not while you’re still alive and capable. As I like to say… “If you have a dream, whether you have to go through those doors sideways, backwards, or jump in from the roof… don’t give up.”
Alex Shalman is a Personal Development writer and speaker, and most recently an NYU Dental student. If you enjoyed this article please tweet it and vote for it on StumbleUpon. I’d appreciate it.
Thank you SDN for featuring this article. I am truly humbled to be able to contribute to this amazing resource for students.
Cortez burned his ships, not Caesar
It’s arguable which one of them it was. I’ve heard many variations where it was Caesar. Which one of these ancient guys it was does not change the point or the spirit of the story.
Alex, no matter what age someone is, you are an inspiration to all. The lessons you’re sharing benefit everyone and causes someone like me, a woman in her 40s seeking a new career path, pause to consider my own thought patterns.
You are a GEM! I’m so proud of you and thankful we are friends. Please continue to share and inspire us with your experiences and insights.
Luv,
Pamela
Thank you Pamela, that is super sweet. Being able to inspire someone leaves my cup overflowing!
Ditto Pamela’s comments. Excellent post. (Being that handsome doesn’t impede either.)
Thank you for this encouragement. You can’t believe how much pressure I am going thru to get thru this 1st semester of PhD in the life sciences… I have to cover a lot of background before I can even begin to understand the lessons being taught.
But I’m not giving up. I have a dream, and whether I have to go thru these steel gates one way or another, or dig under them even.. I will!
If you made it thru, I believe I can too!
Thank you for this post! It was so timely. I want to continue my education but have been focusing on the obstacles (i.e money, age, feeling out of place) versus my capabilities. I’ve focused on the mistakes I’ve made versus the knowledge I’ve gained from them. Inspiring people, like you, remind me that taking action invites momentum and as long as I keep actively pursuing my dreams everything else will fall into place.
awesome awesome AWESOME. May I get permission to put this on my blog, with your info included? I love your writings, I would love to share this. Thanks! Mair
@bikehikebabe It’s great being smart, good looking, and humble…. lol just kidding. Thank you.
@John That’s the spirit… obliterate the gates!
@Khrista Don’t think of them as failures… just think that you’ve already found so many ways that don’t work, and now you’re ready to discover and act on the way that does.
@mair You would have to speak to SDN about reposting the whole thing. I encourage you to write a separate blogpost, and interact with this article by saying what you think about it, and how it has affected you. If you leave a link, people will come here to see the original. That’s the beautiful and conversational art of blogging.
Might I ask what your Masters was in? I’m a re-applicant to medical school and I’m planning for a 2nd re-app just in case. I figured I’d try to get a 2 years Masters that could at least land me a job, so that I’d be financially sound before giving medical school another shot. What was your strategy?
@Food – I got a masters of Biomedical Science from UMDNJ – Stratford Campus. Like I mentioned, it’s interesting, and you learn a lot, but I wouldn’t want to be working in research my whole life – so I basically got the masters with the intention of reapplying to dental.
The masters was relatively cheap, but when you’re going for your MD, you’ll be on the ‘buy now, pay later’ plan.
You are an amazing person. I really admire you for your persistence, dedication, and positiveness.
@Navin I’m very humbled, thank you.
How long until you are a dentist Alex, my teeth really need some work..lol…
I am glad you decided not to settle for less than your dream..
@Adam – I’m going to be graduating in 2013. I can start seeing patients in the school during my 3rd year if you want to fly over, I will treat you
I feel like you’re writing about my life! I only have one goal and that is to get into dental school. I am also in a Masters program right now (ironically, also at UMDNJ-Startford!) and applying this year. This article was very inspirational, espcially right now when everyone is getting interview invites left and right while I’m still waiting for even one. I’m glad things worked out for you. I know how hard it is to stay focused and positive when everyone around you is telling you to “just get a real job” and “get over it.” Thanks for sharing your tips for staying positive, they’ll come in handy.
@A.P. – Remember, the walls are there for the other people. Crush it! Tell Dr. Padolin, Dr. Hock, and Dr. Worrad I say hello.
Btw, I really loved the staff at UMDNJ, even the lunch lady taught me a life lesson – Things are simple, people make them complicated, keep it simple.
Bravo my dear Alex
it takes ones utmost courage to burn the bridges and move forward in to the world of unknown,yet knowable if only one keeps moving forward in spite of hurdles, pitfalls, negative criticisms,et.
but never ever to give up your goal.this is only one life, live fully by pursuing what you dearly love.
thanks for the uplifting moments. I am really blessed to have come across you my dear Alex.May you continue to inspire and pursue your goal further.
what the heck this life if we can not move forward
cheers
easwaran
India
Great points Alex! I reached a place in life where I allowed myself to say that my dreams could really happen… that it was all up to me to make it come true. That revelation changed my life. I started believing in myself and my dreams and began working on turning dreams in to reality. I have since, started my own business and it is going fantastic! I have some other longer term dreams that I will be making happen in time. But believing in myself, really seeing myself as capable for making them happen, opens up all the doors my mind had previously closed. I love walking through those doors into the adventure that awaits me! It is a wonderful high.
Wise words, Alex
I really enjoyed reading this; it seems to ring so true for my life right now.
Alex, you’re a great inspiration to others and this post shows your character and strength. I especially agree with point number 1, this is so very important in life, it might seem harsh but it has to be done.
@Easwaran That’s exactly how I look at it. I’m only here for a limited time, I might as well stick with my moral code, have integrity, and a lot of fun pursuing the things that I love.
@Laurie Exactly. It’s that point in your life where you take responsibility, and begin to design your own life, that things start going according to plan. If you don’t take charge, and plan, you’ll likely end up somewhere you didn’t plan to be.
@Steven Right on!
I needed this! I have wanted to go to dental school for as long as I can remember. I was also placed on the waiting list at NYU Dental this summer, but unfortunately, did not get accepted. I’m in the process of re-taking the admissions exam and have been really frustrated and started to second guess myself. Now I know I have to keep on pushing through – I will not accept anything less than my dream.
@Danielle – I am really proud of you. Getting knocked down a few times just makes you more driven, more focused, and once you do get there you’ll have an awesome, inspirational story, and really value your accomplishments.
Motivational really counts for a lot, believe me. Crush it!
THanks alot for this article.. You rock!
I love these tips. So simple, yet so often overlooked. #2 is an incredible way to make your goals a reality – by cutting off plan B you have no other option than to succeed. Thanks Alex for this really simple, yet really effective article
Thanks Alex! I decided to comment when I saw that you got your masters at the school two streets from where I live!! I know someone in your position, he recently graduated from my school and he has the same exact goal – NYU dental- and very similar obstacles. I wanna send this to him and I think he should talk to you.
Hi,
I’m in a really similar situation right now. Only thing is that I did have a pretty bad depression when I got rejected from med school. I think in the long run, it does make you stronger, makes you realize how much you really do want it, that it’s all you can see. You have no idea how great it feels to know I’m not the only one that’s gone through this. I’m still crazy stubborn and I’m doing everything I can to give it another shot. Enjoy dental school, you deserve it.
@Vicky – No, YOU rock.
@Sarah – Who needs options? Just follow your dreams.
@Mayssy – I will answers your friends questions, just have him e-mail me through my blog.
@Florencia – Your stubbornness will serve you well in life. Depression can strike, it happens, and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s what you do once you pick yourself off the ground after being knocked down that matters. Aim for your dreams, even if it takes your whole life. – Imagine it took someone 40 years to become a doctor, and when they finally made it, they SAVED A LIFE… man wouldn’t that be worth it (or save a tooth in my case
hi,
thanks a lot for that message i think thats what i need at these time. i am also encounterin the same problem as but now i know what to do i’ll burn all the bridges.
@ruthabe – Just think through which bridges you really want to burn. It takes more time to rebuild a bridge than to just avoid taking it for now.
I am validating what Alex says. I have been a dentist for 30 years, but have developed a passion for knowledge and sharing knowledge that helps others, and I am pursuing it. Also, after 30 years of general dentistry, I am joining a high end practice that will allow me to grow in the directions that are important to me. I am doing this along the same lines as described by Alex. That is, I have surrounded myself with people that know how to make things happen, how to get what they want, how to use INTENTION to create. There is no “luck” in my world now. There is no “what if” it doesn’t happen. There is just the vision of my world and the fact that I will make it be what I want. I recommend the book, “Excuse Me, Your Life is Now” for inspiration and instruction on how to create what you want. We all have it in us; it’s just a case of learning how to use it.
Thanks, Alex, for your post. I can identify with your article so much that I have it as my homepage for inspiration. Despite facing numerous challenges throughout my life, I am attending graduate school before I apply to dental school.
Life as a dentist will be satisfying because can you look back at how hard you fought to achieve your goal.
Hey Alex,
Thanks a lot for this post. It was really timely for me to chance upon this website. I’m 18 this year, just finished my college Preliminary exams and will be taking my ‘A’ Levels in a month’s time, in which I hope to score well to improve my chances of entering Medical School. It has never been easy at all to believe that I can actually qualify for Med School throughout my college life, but hey, I realise that I’m kinda in a similar position as you! You’re right, cut out Plan B. I don’t have a Plan B. I won’t settle for a Plan B. You’ve just given me a morale boost!
Thanks for the inspiration again Alex!
@Dr. Schwartz – Right on! I’ll have to check out that book. It sounds like you are creating a pretty awesome life for yourself as well.
@JoyWD – That is awesome. Get inspired, focus, get it done!
@Sean – It’s really great to hear that. It’s part of the reason that I share articles like these, and at http://www.AlexShalman.com – Whenever I share something, and then someone gets it, I get the pleasure and the knowledge right back for myself. Kind of selfish in that way
I really enjoyed reading your post and replies !Very inspirational!i will make sure i read it everyday to help me keep on presuing my dreams!
Thank you so much!
Thank you Alex…. You are are true GEm as pamela mentioned. I haven’t given up my dream of becoming a dentist too. Maybe I’ll get in the next cycle.
Im just adding to all of the other wonderful comments but I felt obligated to write about how inspiring this piece was to me. Im sitting here crying right now becaue I’m exactly where you were: Graduated undergraduate with a 2.8, currently in a masters program just working to my dream of being a dentist. One I’ve had since I was 7. I have been starting to give up on my dream and myself but your article really touched a cord with me. Thank you.
@mimi – Reading it everyday is quite the commitment, but if it gets your inspired everyday that is awesome.
@fatima – I hope you do. Keep raising your credentials, networking with people, and showing the school how motivated you are. Every little thing makes a difference.
@cw – I hear you, it’s a very emotional position to be in. A guy that was in my Masters class was working on his THIRD masters degree. No matter what it takes, follow your dreams.
And to everyone else – You might have moment where you doubt yourself, they creep in on you, and sure enough you want to *smack* them way. On the other hand, if you truly look at the road ahead as too much, that’s okay too, it just means you’re not one of the ones that wants to bad enough. You will still have an awesome life following a different path.
Hi Alex,
LOVED the post. Question about number one though- what if the unsupportive people are your family (i.e. parents or siblings)? How should you deal with that?
Thank You for posting this article. Your story inspired me to continue to follow my own medical dream despite my obstacles.
Thank You for posting the article. Your story inspired me to continue to follow my own medical dream, despite the obstacles.
@Nicole – I don’t have all the answers. It’s a REALLY tough decision that everyone has to make on their own. Ask yourself this question though, do you want to spend your entire life having a relationship with a person that is holding you back? Also ask yourself, how far could you go in life without the extra dead weight?
At the same time, perhaps there is a reason why they’re not supportive, an issue totally of their own, and seeing as how you care, you might want to invest time into the relationship and help them get through it. You can also try to ignore the negativity, and love them anyway, just keep in mind that the negativity will never truly be ignored, it will be internalized and will affect you.
@soneymed – AWESOME!
Alex,
You journey is inspiring! Your tenacity and perseverance amazes me. I really needed to read about your story, because I certainly feel like I’m at the fork in the road.
But, going to med school is my number one dream … so I’m definitely going back to my MCAT books to give it all I’ve got and much more.
Thanks for sharing your story.
bobcats never give up.. we’re fierce! show them what you’ve got!
Great inspiration!Something I always abide is the rule of Julius Cesar; there is no plan B!
Hi Alex,
U really inspired and motivated me a lot. U struck me rite and got me to a rite path as in this world i find lot of pessimists around me so u did a great job and can never forget ur order to come back on my long awaited goal.
Don’t give up guys, keep at it!
I’m available to answer your questions – here, on my site, or find me on facebook. I’m very grateful for all the people that helped me along the way, and answered my questions, and it would be my pleasure to pass that forward.
Thanks a lot for the article Alex . It is Very Motivating and Inspiring
i happened to eyeball your page… n i must say ur advice made my day… coz this was exactly what i wanted…. GOD BLESS n GOOD LUCK in ur future pursuits!:)
i read this at the right time…after so many things going wrong for me in dental school i honestly didnt know why i was still trying,just hanging there by a thread,but now i know i can actualy use whats happened to me to my advantage.
thank u so much!
Great article Alex! Very inspiring! I’ve bookmarked your article and read it every time i feel down, and every time i feel like i can’t do it. I’m an undergrad student; i want to apply to med school next year.
i am studing BDS in pune n wanted 2 do my MDS in US so can u pls guide me in this o just help me by giving me some impotant tips so that my job will b easy
thanku
waititng 4 ur rep
Thanks man, I really needed that today!
I think knowing that I have a plan B may be contributing to my uncertainty toward going to med school. Thank you, Alex, for making me see that clearly. Since I really like my plan B, I will go ahead and do it first, then close that chapter and dive all in preparing for med school …
I really loved what you said about believing in yourself….thank you so much for sharing. Don’t ever stop inspiring yourself =D.
Thank you!
I was very inspired. Just today I prayed to God that I would get in because I didn’t know what else I would do. I don’t have a back-up plan, and I’m taking the DATs again ‘just in case’. The only thing that I don’t have that you have is confidence. There’s always that little voice saying that there’s so many other people who are doing so much better and have a lot more potential.. you won’t get in. But after reading this article, my thoughts have changed. I want to get in and I will get in. Thanks!
Thanks a lot. I really appreciated your post. I have really been through many ups and downs with my journey of trying to be a medical doctor. I’ve took the MCAT two times even though my score is improving its just not enough. But I know its not my time but Gods time. I’ve thought about plan B all the time and was tempted to go that route. The race is not given to the swift or strong but the one who endures. God bless and thanks.
gosh..i really needed that mental slap.. for the past 2 months i’ve been thinking about quitting med school..and your story got me thinking hard about my future. med school is no child’s play.. all the assignments,exams and memorizing made me forget the fact that i’ve always wanted to become a doctor, to make my parents proud, to inspire my younger siblings..thanks very much.
Thank you. I needed to hear it today.